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Monday, 9 August 2010

Moments are all we have

The reaction from friends to the decision I made regarding my job has I am pleased to say been overwhelmingly positive, with most I am saddened to say stating that although they understand and respect my decision, it is not something they would do themselves. This has left me wondering why? I mean why do so many people have this idea that they are not entitled to enjoy their work, and that it is as one of them said, "all about the money", when it is clear to me that it is not about this at all. We have to be happy with what we do or otherwise, as I know from bitter experience, we just wither away inside, each day giving a little more of ourselves away until in the end, there is nothing left. Nothing left with which to perform our so called duties, nothing left for our families and our loved ones, and most importantly of all, nothing left of ourselves. This to me is what life is truly about - the freedom and the ability to express ourselves for who we are really are - this is our God given right, not just outside of work, but every moment that we spend living inside our bodies on this Planet. It is over all too quickly, as I have seen all too often in my job, and we have to make the most of every moment we have, for the moments are all that we have.

This has left me wondering though, in my making this decision and sharing it with these people, am I giving them permission to do the same, and showing them that there is another way, that they do not have to live like this? I have noticed over the years that I seem to act as a catalyst for change, throwing these things up for others to look at, and it seems to me that this is the case here. I do hope so, but if I can help others as well as myself, I am fulfilling my purpose in more ways than one.

It seems that just as I let go and decide to put the call out to the universe to help me stay in this job, that help arrives, for this morning we have received a letter from the Inland Revenue confirming that we are to receive Tax Credits. Normally I would be loathe to put myself in the system as it were, but and I know for some it might be a big but (as opposed to butt, for the applicaton process was a bit of a pain in the a***), if I am to do a job such as this serving the community in return for low pay, then it seems only right that that same community helps to support me so that I can. The Tax Credit system is there to support people such as us, so why shouldn't I claim? They have also decided that we are owed money from laast year, which comes as a pleasant surprise, and at exactly the right time, for it will enable us to pay off the rent that we owe, which the park owners seem so relucant to claim. It will also enable us to get the house painted.

Of course this does not mean that I will rest on my laurels and make no effort to change my situation by looking for that second part time job during the week, but it does give me some breathing space to make sure that the job that I get is the right one, for I know better than anyone that anything other than that just will not work. Yes I am prepared to make certain compromises to stay at the nursing home, at the weekends if not during the week, but one compromise I am not prepared to make is settling for a second job that I do not enjoy. It has to be right and it has to make my heart sing in the same way that this one does. So, let the search commence !

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