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Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Another layer of the onion

Yesterday I had to return to the shop in which I used to work, and which one year and four months ago, tried their very best to get me the sack. They didn't quite succeed, as after a long and very stressful disciplinary and grievance procedure which we each brought against the other, for various things, I decided to resign.

The reason I had to return was because an item I had bought from the shop, a couple of months before I left, had stopped working. I won't say what it was, as it would give the game away as to who the company was, which would not be good form. I didn't reveal their name then, and am not about to do it now.

I was surprised after all this time how angry it made me feel, and how difficult it was for me to return there, especially as the girl who reported me for my so-called misdeeds was standing behind the counter when I walked in. I could sense her discomfort and the way she kept looking at me out of the corner of her eye. I was served by a very nice man whom I did not know, who had just transferred from another nearby branch which had recently closed (I hope they handled it a little better than they did the branch I originally worked in). He told me a few interesting snippets about what has gone on there in recent months - like the fact that the Manager had most of February off for 'personal reasons' and returned to find that four of her staff had suddenly left - including the other one - a young man who purported to be a musician - who had reported me - I wonder why? I also though can't help wondering why I am still interested and think it is any of my business anymore, as I really am so much happier and better off since I left.

The situation there, which was ongoing for months and tied in with the closure of the branch that I previously worked in, which was not handled at all well, gave me the opportunity to work through many layers of work related 'stuff' that I had been holding on to and repeatedly experiencing for almost 20 years. Like a gramophone record that is repeatedly played until it wears out, it was beginning to wear me out, and wear me down. Each time it happened, the feelings grew more intense, until I came to the point where I knew that I no longer had a choice but to see it through and express what I felt, and so with Coran's encouragement and support, I did. The results and the fall out, for both parties were not pretty, but the rewards have been immense.

So, why I continue to feel so angry about the whole situation remains a mystery. I really felt that I had come to terms with it all, and moved on with my life, but each time I have to go back to that store, up the feelings come all over again. We wear our feelings like layers, and each time we work through a layer it is like shedding a skin, so I suppose yesterday was all about shedding another layer of that proverbial onion - like an onion, many tears have been shed along the way.

The end result though was good, as I got the replacement product that I needed - thanks to the insurance that I had the foresight to take out. The guarantee had expired, so otherwise I would have been stuffed. I now then have a shiny new toy with play with, and yet more feelings to toy with and ponder on. For the moment though, I am off to the gym ... Just like the treadmill at the gym it seems like I spend my life going round and round the same old stuff - one of these days I will see it coming in the distance and run towards it rather than away ...

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