Monday, 10 November 2014
Love changes everything
Last Monday, one week today, we started our new routine at work with me working in the main house and my colleague in the onsite care home. Although this had been discussed at the time that I started this job, for various reasons, including major building work in the aforementioned care home, it had been put to one side. Negative comments to do with my work have now pushed this to the forefront, as it became apparent that the Manager of the Care Hone would be a lot happier were I not such a regular presence. I admit that to begin with I felt resentful about this change, as I am familiar with working in care homes and so the routine feels safe and secure. This type of work can be very routine, and so much of the enjoyment is derives from contact with the clients with whom I converse sometimes quite deeply. This is one of several issues that the aforementioned Manager has brought to the attention of my own Manager, along with (according to her) eavesdropping on private conversations (how can they be private when they take place in communal areas), reading confidential documents (something which I have never done) and the fact that she is not happy with the standard of my work (strange, as 99 percent of the other employees say how much cleaner the place is since I started there). All of this leaves me to conclude that this is nothing to do with the way in which I work, but more to do with me as a person - that something about me is pressing her buttons. The fact that these issues seemed to start around the time that I announced my engagement to Coran has not escaped my notice. Neither has the fact that things seemed to get worse after the Mental Health First Aid course when I was very open about some of the mental health issues that I have faced both in my own life with in relation to my the rest of my family. This leaves me to suspect that this is more to do with my relationship with Coran and her own issues to do with gender and sexuality. It is interesting that my own Manager has also picked up on this and without prompting from me, voiced the same opinion. If I am right regarding this, then the meeting that has been arranged between us for 20th November may be very interesting indeed, and for her at least, challenging to boot. I have though got to the point where I am secure enough in my own skin and in my relationship to be able to fight my corner and deflect everything that comes my way, making it clear that this is her stuff and that she has to deal with it rather than projecting it on to me and making my own life difficult in the hopes that I will go away. This is not going to happen, for I have finally found a job where I can be me and where I am seen and heard for who and what I am and can be that openly and freely without having to hide and continually wear a mask. I am not going to give that up for her or for anybody else. Now that the meeting has finally been arranged there is a huge sense of relief in that something tangible is actually (hopefully, she could refuse to go) happening that will enable us both to move forwards and hopefully accept each other. Who knows, we may end up as best friends.