The Hall of Mirrors

When my partner mentioned to me this morning that there was a newer, longer version of Jelaila Starr's latest video on You Tube, I logged on to have another listen, and after I had done that, started to browse through some of her earlier ones. One of these is entitled "How you treat others is how you treat your inner child". My own definition of this would be the child within, the part that wants to play and has never really grown up, the primal aspect of ourself that is concerned with having its core needs met - love, warmth and basic survival.

What Jelaila had to say was as always pertinent to my own situation - that if something happens to us three times then that is a message for us to look at. The situation that I am in has been brewing for several months. I thought I was handling it the best way that I could with the resources that I had, but one resource I didn't use was looking inside myself to see how it reflected the way I treat myself.

As a spiritual being, I understand that everything has a value in showing us things about ourselves, no matter how painful that may be. I also understand that we are here to grow. In order to grow we need to transcend our core dysfunctional beliefs - the idea that we are not worthy, that we don't deserve to have good things in our life, etc. Since most of the time we cannot see these things for ourselves (who wants to look at stuff like this), others act as mirrors in order to show us. It follows that in order for them to do this, they must have the same core dysfunctional beliefs as us, for mirrors, as I said on Christmas Day, are two way. They are here to learn the same lessons as us. They are co-conspirators in order to show us that, so that we can work through those things together.

So, when others lie, cheat or generally treat us badly, we need to ask where and how we are doing this to ourselves.

The inner child, like a real child, thinks only in the moment, and believes everything it is told - if it told that it is ugly for example, or that no one will ever love it, then it believes this. Everything that it fears (and it will fear a lot of what it is told) manifests as a physical response, that we call stress - knots in the stomach, IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome - my own has been playing up of late), sleepless nights, all things that I can relate to.

The child has limited reserves of energy, which we use in order to get us through the day. As we use more and more of that energy, we end up running on empty, being what Jelaila refers to as "energetically bankrupt". Using this energy, which is essentially from someone else, constitutes theft, and if we continue to do this, we end up with chronic disease. When I was working as a healer in my own practise, and at my local church, I saw this all the time - the over worked business man (or woman) with IBS, or perhaps with ME - what about ME, when will you make time to listen to ME!

We lie to the inner child (and I have been particularly guilty of this) by saying that we will get out of the situation that is causing us distress, that we will take a break, that we will do this, that and the other, and by not doing those things. It is not always easy, as I know all too well, for if others repeatedly tell you that there will soon be an end to that situation (and remember that the inner child believes everything it is told) then you continue in that situation, thinking that another few weeks won't matter, as you can have your rest then. That rest though never comes, as you slowly realise those people have lied, or at the very least, misled you.

We can only relate to others based on what we already know - and we can only know what they tell us. So if others tell us that our situation is about to change, then we believe them and carry on in that situation. Our instincts may tell us differently (mine certainly did) but we are trained to ignore our instincts and trust our superiors, who of course, always know better than us.

Once we begin to see this pattern, then we begin to see our own part in creating the pain that we are in, and with that comes forgiveness. This takes time, as we work through the various emotions and the different layers. It is not easy when the situation is as distressing as mine is, and when that situation affects almost every aspect of your life. Once you begin to do this, and acknowledge the part that you have played, then you can release others from blame, and begin to gain insights that help you to make changes to your life so that this situation will not repeat.

The ironic thing is that in many ways, it was attempts to make those changes, and in the process stand up for my rights, that made my situation worse. Things had to be brought to a head in order to achieve the maximum learning, on both sides. In the end, I have to be philosophical about this, and see this as a further opportunity for growth, to look these issues square in the face and deal with them once and for all. My reticence to speak out until things got almost totally unbearable, and to also look at the way in which I chose to do this, which could have been better.

If others are mirrors for us, then I hope and pray that someday, somewhere those that conspired with me (on a higher level) to create this situation, will peer into their own looking glasses and ask themselves that same question "How do I treat myself in this way, and what can I learn from this?" I have done my part, the rest is up to them.

What do I want for Christmas ?

A Christmas Wish - What do I want for Christmas?

Nothing to buy, nothing to sell.
Family gatherings. Laughter.
Music.
Multitudes of happy children, warm and fed.

An end to the current war, and to all wars.
Water in the well, food on the table.
Companionship for the lonely.
Solitude for those in search of calm.
Understanding for the prisoner.
Compassion for those who judge.
Strength for the belittled.
Comfort for the torn.

I want what everyone wants,
But believes can never happen.
Truth instead of lies.
Generosity instead of greed.
Knowledge instead of fear.
Modesty instead of arrogance.
An open heart, an open mind.
To follow Life where it leads,
With gratitude for hard times
And what they teach,
And, when good times come,
To pass them on for others to enjoy.

But if these things are too much to ask,
If I am silly or have somehow missed the point,
There is still one thing I would like to see.
A giant teddy bear for the wide-eyed world

I was sent this poem, which was written by William Michaelian, from friends who run a Counselling Forum on the Internet. It has been such a tough year for me, that I might soon be requiring their services! The rubber baseball bat that we use to vent our frustrations has been used so much that the top has fallen off, and there is a rather large dent in the settee!

Despite my troubles, Christmas is a time of good will for all, for caring and sharing and for celebrations, not for looking back and being miserable. There are many in far worse situations than I am - having lost their jobs, their homes and everything and everyone that they hold dear. I often look at the tramp who walks around my local town, day in, day out and wonder how his life came to this, and if once he may have been a successful businessman with a family. One can never tell, and in the current climate, there for the grace of God, could be any one of us.

This year, I have food on the table, money (albeit not very much) in the bank, and a partner who loves me. That in the scheme of life is all that matters. Yes it has been a tough year, and 2009 will get tougher yet, but on a personal level I have learnt so much. I have shed enough tears to fill a river (especially yesterday) for reasons that I can't go into to, and my partner has been there through all of it, holding my hand, soothing my brow and listening without judgment. I have done the same for him though, many times during our 11 years together.

That is why to me at least, this poem is so appropriate, for it mirrors my own situation, and those of so many that I see around me. The second verse is particularly poignant if you read it again - the importance of truth and knowledge instead of fear. This goes back to the three words that I posted a few days ago. In the end, truth is all that matters. We cannot allow the fears of others or ourselves in get in the way of that truth, for that same truth shall set us free. They may not see it now - we may not see it now, for the truth is painful, and sometimes embarrassing, as we are confronted with the fact that we were wrong, but that is the lesson for all. We have to follow life wherever it leads us - into our darkness and despair, confronting our fears and insecurities along the way, and knowing that other people's are mirrors for our own, but also knowing that mirrors are two way. When we come through the other side and into the light, we can acknowledge the learning that has brought us, and pass that learning onto to others. Like I say, the truth shall set us all free.

Now that we have passed the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year, the light is beginning to return in more ways than one. The winter months mirror our own dark night of the soul, and this year, that of humanity as a whole. Yesterday I listened to Jelaila Starr's latest video, which was on this very same subject. Jelaila says that the purpose of the dark night of the soul is to go through a lesson, the purpose of which is to reclaim the power that we have relinquished into the hands of others because of some deep held beliefs.

When systems fall apart, as they have done this year, it feels as if all our foundations are crumbling. We feel vulnerable and exposed, as our safety net slips away. This precipitates our own dark night of the soul (sometimes it feels like a dark life), as we realise that we can no longer invest our power in things outside of ourself - financial systems, our jobs, the Governments and even religions. These are all things that we use in order to feel safe.

The old has to fall in order to give birth to the new, as you cannot build a new reality on old systems, systems that no longer work to serve the masses. When these systems collapse, as they have done this year with banks crashing, companies going into administration, and in some cases whole countries having to be baled out (I am talking about Iceland here), then we know that things are serious and there is no going back. We have given our power away to all of these things, and we have to claim it back.

Safety does not come from any of these things - the false gods outside of ourself, but it comes from our own inner God - the sense of power within. As people begin to realise this, this too will trigger fears from those at the top, those that head these corporations, as they will realise that they can no longer control the masses - through advertising, or through any other means, and there are plenty of them. We are no one's to control, but human beings in our right, with feelings and voices that deserve to be heard and listened to. No one can take away that one fundamental right.

The relationship between all these systems and us, the people that use them needs to change to one of equality and true democracy, and change it will over the next three years as 2012 approaches. It will be an interesting ride with worse to come, but from the ashes a phoenix will emerge, and we will go on to bigger and better things.