The Hall of Mirrors

When my partner mentioned to me this morning that there was a newer, longer version of Jelaila Starr's latest video on You Tube, I logged on to have another listen, and after I had done that, started to browse through some of her earlier ones. One of these is entitled "How you treat others is how you treat your inner child". My own definition of this would be the child within, the part that wants to play and has never really grown up, the primal aspect of ourself that is concerned with having its core needs met - love, warmth and basic survival.

What Jelaila had to say was as always pertinent to my own situation - that if something happens to us three times then that is a message for us to look at. The situation that I am in has been brewing for several months. I thought I was handling it the best way that I could with the resources that I had, but one resource I didn't use was looking inside myself to see how it reflected the way I treat myself.

As a spiritual being, I understand that everything has a value in showing us things about ourselves, no matter how painful that may be. I also understand that we are here to grow. In order to grow we need to transcend our core dysfunctional beliefs - the idea that we are not worthy, that we don't deserve to have good things in our life, etc. Since most of the time we cannot see these things for ourselves (who wants to look at stuff like this), others act as mirrors in order to show us. It follows that in order for them to do this, they must have the same core dysfunctional beliefs as us, for mirrors, as I said on Christmas Day, are two way. They are here to learn the same lessons as us. They are co-conspirators in order to show us that, so that we can work through those things together.

So, when others lie, cheat or generally treat us badly, we need to ask where and how we are doing this to ourselves.

The inner child, like a real child, thinks only in the moment, and believes everything it is told - if it told that it is ugly for example, or that no one will ever love it, then it believes this. Everything that it fears (and it will fear a lot of what it is told) manifests as a physical response, that we call stress - knots in the stomach, IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome - my own has been playing up of late), sleepless nights, all things that I can relate to.

The child has limited reserves of energy, which we use in order to get us through the day. As we use more and more of that energy, we end up running on empty, being what Jelaila refers to as "energetically bankrupt". Using this energy, which is essentially from someone else, constitutes theft, and if we continue to do this, we end up with chronic disease. When I was working as a healer in my own practise, and at my local church, I saw this all the time - the over worked business man (or woman) with IBS, or perhaps with ME - what about ME, when will you make time to listen to ME!

We lie to the inner child (and I have been particularly guilty of this) by saying that we will get out of the situation that is causing us distress, that we will take a break, that we will do this, that and the other, and by not doing those things. It is not always easy, as I know all too well, for if others repeatedly tell you that there will soon be an end to that situation (and remember that the inner child believes everything it is told) then you continue in that situation, thinking that another few weeks won't matter, as you can have your rest then. That rest though never comes, as you slowly realise those people have lied, or at the very least, misled you.

We can only relate to others based on what we already know - and we can only know what they tell us. So if others tell us that our situation is about to change, then we believe them and carry on in that situation. Our instincts may tell us differently (mine certainly did) but we are trained to ignore our instincts and trust our superiors, who of course, always know better than us.

Once we begin to see this pattern, then we begin to see our own part in creating the pain that we are in, and with that comes forgiveness. This takes time, as we work through the various emotions and the different layers. It is not easy when the situation is as distressing as mine is, and when that situation affects almost every aspect of your life. Once you begin to do this, and acknowledge the part that you have played, then you can release others from blame, and begin to gain insights that help you to make changes to your life so that this situation will not repeat.

The ironic thing is that in many ways, it was attempts to make those changes, and in the process stand up for my rights, that made my situation worse. Things had to be brought to a head in order to achieve the maximum learning, on both sides. In the end, I have to be philosophical about this, and see this as a further opportunity for growth, to look these issues square in the face and deal with them once and for all. My reticence to speak out until things got almost totally unbearable, and to also look at the way in which I chose to do this, which could have been better.

If others are mirrors for us, then I hope and pray that someday, somewhere those that conspired with me (on a higher level) to create this situation, will peer into their own looking glasses and ask themselves that same question "How do I treat myself in this way, and what can I learn from this?" I have done my part, the rest is up to them.