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Sunday, 27 July 2008

A sense of not knowing

I have been meaning to write this blog almost every night last week, but somehow I have just been too tired. One way and another, it has once again been one hell of a week. Now that I am sitting here writing, I don't know where to begin, or what to say.

Following the wafflers departure from work just over 10 days ago, things have continued much as they were. This week has seen just two of us in each day, the results of which have been such tiredness that I have not known. The last time I remember feeling anywhere like this was when I returned from Canada in 1990 after a series of night flight across the country from Newfoundland to Toronto, and then a connecting flight on to London. I arrived home around 10 o'clock in the morning, and somehow or other managed to stay awake until 6pm, when I finally went to bed. I was so tired that I slept right through until midday the following day! This time though there has been no such respite, as with so much on my mind, I have been unable to sleep at all, and when I do awake, it is back to work where there has been no rest at all.

I have been so tired at times that I have almost been crying with exhaustion, so it was with great relief that I finished work at 5.30pm on Friday, for 2 days off. The weather has been amazing this week; hot sunshine with temperatures in their 80's and cloudless blue skies. I have found myself looking for excuses to visit the box room on the flat roof at work, and selling products off the shelf, so that I can get outside for a few brief moments.

It has been a good weekend of doing not much at all, and I am feeling much better after two days of rest. I have spent time lounging around in the sun, listening to music, enjoying the company of nature and the sound of the the birds.

Today was our annual village fair, and very good it was too. I missed last year's since I was visiting my favourite island (a lot of time has also been spent in front of the camera cupboard this week). I wish I was there now in this glorious weather, sitting on the stile that overlooks Acklands Moor, watching the sun sink slowly beneath the horizon, and the red streak across the sky.
The fair though was good, with stalls from most of the local groups, as well as local growers and producers hawking their wares. Entertainment was laid on for both kids and adults, with a dog show, as well as a display of hawks, plus snakes and crocodiles. The hawks were amazing, but I didn't have the courage to go near the snakes, much less stroke them.

The weekend is almost over, and tomorrow a new week begins. Thankfully there will be three of us in, since my Manager is back from his holidays, and our weekend assistant, who normally works only on Saturdays will be covering days off. This means that I can finally have a decent lunch break and get out in the sun at lunchtime, sitting in the church yard and having the chance to relax and enjoy the sun and the small pleasures in life. I did not realise how much lunch breaks are needed, and do not know how so many employees seem to manage without them. I have made a mental note to make sure that from now on, no matter which job I end up in, I will make sure that I take all the breaks to which I am entitled, and also make sure that I am paid for those that I do not take. Thankfully my boss will be seeing to it that I shall be paid for the extra hour for each day last week.

There is still no news re our closing date, and this is really beginning to wear us all down. There is a new moon with partial solar eclipse this Friday, 1st August, so will this be the day? I hope so, as I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, with this sense of not knowing.

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