Total Pageviews

Friday, 4 September 2009

As summer turns to autumn

I have been feeling very restless these past few days, unable to settle into much at all. The shifting seasons seem to be reflecting my own mood, as summer gives way to autumn and a chill starts to descend. Condensation has been forming on our windows and car windscreens for the past few weeks, and the temperature seems to have suddenly dropped to what seems like a rather chilly 18 to 20 degrees. Of course this is not really chilly, but because the temperature has dropped so suddenly, and with the added wind chill factor that we get up here on the hill (the village where I live is over 1000 metres high at the summit of three mile winding road), it seems very cold indeed. By mid morning it is usually warm enough to don shorts and go about with bare legs, but it won't be for much longer. Once again, the warm summer we were promised does not seem to have materialised, although it was the warmest one yet since we moved here.

Of course were I an Icelander this would be quite normal, in fact very warm for the time of year. When I checked the other day the temperature in Reykjavik was 10 degrees. Summer weather is more normally about 16 or 17 degrees, with slightly higher temperatures and more sunshine in the eastern fjords and around Lake Myvatn in the north east. I have not yet decided where I will be going when I visit next summer, but am determined that I will be visiting.

It is difficult at the moment to see where the funds will come from (I had a £344 repair bill for my car yesterday, as it was in for its annual service and MOT and needed 3 new tyres at the same time), but I am trying not to focus on that, knowing that the funds will come from somewhere and a lot can change in 10 months. When I think back to where I was 10 months ago it hardly bears thinking about. I was in it up to my eyes working five, sometimes six days a week in a job that was challenging in all the wrong ways. I have to admit though I did enjoy the company (if not the company).

It was difficult for me being the only female in a male dominated environment, but I did the best I could. Given the circumstances and everything else that was happening in my life, I am amazed that I managed as well as I did. Of course when that store eventually closed and I transferred to a larger and busier one, it all fell apart. Looking back I am glad that it happened in the way that it did, for it gave me the opportunity to do an awful lot of clearing, and let go of years of emotional baggage which had been weighing me down. I don't suppose my ex boss at the new store would understand any of that, but maybe I would be surprised.

I came across a picture of the two ex colleagues who 'grassed me up' the other day, and was surprised at my reaction. Instead of feeling angry, which I thought I would, I actually felt compassion, compassion for the fact that they are still where they are while I have moved on. It was a strange feeling, that took me by surprise, but I was pleased as it shows how much I have moved on. It took me years to recover from the shock when a previous employer closed the kitchen showroom I managed without consultation, but this time it has taken a matter of months.

Things are moving so rapidly now that we don't have the time to pussy foot around feeling sorry for ourselves anymore - we are the ones who suffer anyway, not the ones who have committed these 'wrongs'. In the end it all a learning curve and life has to move on, and so it does.

The sun is out today on one of those spectacular late summer/early autumn days, with a slight chill in the air and clear blue skies. A nice bracing walk to the bottom of the hill is in order to blow those cobwebs away and get the blood racing, followed by a hot cup of tea and a cuddle up on the settee with the one I love.

No comments:

Post a Comment