Coran and I seem to be getting very frustrated of late, not just with life, but also with each other, which is I suspect, a symptom of other frustrations anyway. Life is less than perfect for both of us, but as always, we do not see what we have, only what we have not.
There seems to be this sense of restlessness which is in part linked to the change in seasons, but runs much deeper than that. I am frustrated about many things, but the main problem is boredom - there is just not enough happening in my life right now to keep me occupied. What this is really about is lack of work. The lack of work also means lack of funds to do the things I want - and the hours I do (5 to 7pm four nights a week, plus 8am to 2pm on Saturdays and Sundays) also means that it is difficult to arrange days out, without an awful lot of pre-planning, which Coran and I have never been good at. Yes I pre-plan holidays, but days out are different, these are done on the spur of the moment, and to get home in order for me to go to work means leaving early, which needs pre-planning, nice as it is to be spontaneous.
Of course Coran being the one I love, and being close to hand, working from home, bears the brunt of these frustrations, which I know is unfair, but I am not sure what to do about. It is obvious that I need to find other interests in which to fill my time, and perhaps another source of income - but what and how? Most part time jobs are five days a week, which would leave me in the position of having no days off at all, and those that are less than this are not the type of jobs that would interest me - working in a supermarket for example or market research, knocking on people's doors (I have a fear of dogs). What then to do? It is true that I have the school job as an exam invigilator, but there are no exams scheduled (as far as I know) until November. As for overtime in my existing job, there has been some this month, but there is unlikely to be more until the end of October when my colleagues take their holidays.
Following a quarrel this morning, I have returned from a routine Doctors appointment to find that the furniture in Coran's room (and our carpet) has borne the brunt of his own frustrations. The man himself is meanwhile nowhere to be found. He can't have gone far, as his car is in the garage for it's annual service. It is a waste of time though trying to telephone, as his mobile phone is rarely used, so I guess I shall have to sit it out at home and wait for his return. If it doesn't come by a certain time, I suppose I shall be cooking lunch for one ... Men, especially when they want to be women !
There seems to be this sense of restlessness which is in part linked to the change in seasons, but runs much deeper than that. I am frustrated about many things, but the main problem is boredom - there is just not enough happening in my life right now to keep me occupied. What this is really about is lack of work. The lack of work also means lack of funds to do the things I want - and the hours I do (5 to 7pm four nights a week, plus 8am to 2pm on Saturdays and Sundays) also means that it is difficult to arrange days out, without an awful lot of pre-planning, which Coran and I have never been good at. Yes I pre-plan holidays, but days out are different, these are done on the spur of the moment, and to get home in order for me to go to work means leaving early, which needs pre-planning, nice as it is to be spontaneous.
Of course Coran being the one I love, and being close to hand, working from home, bears the brunt of these frustrations, which I know is unfair, but I am not sure what to do about. It is obvious that I need to find other interests in which to fill my time, and perhaps another source of income - but what and how? Most part time jobs are five days a week, which would leave me in the position of having no days off at all, and those that are less than this are not the type of jobs that would interest me - working in a supermarket for example or market research, knocking on people's doors (I have a fear of dogs). What then to do? It is true that I have the school job as an exam invigilator, but there are no exams scheduled (as far as I know) until November. As for overtime in my existing job, there has been some this month, but there is unlikely to be more until the end of October when my colleagues take their holidays.
Following a quarrel this morning, I have returned from a routine Doctors appointment to find that the furniture in Coran's room (and our carpet) has borne the brunt of his own frustrations. The man himself is meanwhile nowhere to be found. He can't have gone far, as his car is in the garage for it's annual service. It is a waste of time though trying to telephone, as his mobile phone is rarely used, so I guess I shall have to sit it out at home and wait for his return. If it doesn't come by a certain time, I suppose I shall be cooking lunch for one ... Men, especially when they want to be women !
No comments:
Post a Comment