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Monday, 11 January 2010

A blessed relief - in more ways than one ...

It was back to work for me then yesterday, much against my better judgement. It is never easy going back after a few days off, but this time seemed even more difficult than usual. While I was off I seemed to observe this little monkey on my shoulder, whittling away with all the negative thoughts about my life, and about my job. How it was menial and unfulfilling (not true at all), how I needed more hours and money (this bit is true), and how I am not appreciated by my colleagues (definitely not true). I don't know what it was, or where it came from, but the longer I stayed at home, it felt almost like I was sliding into a form of depression. I am glad then that I did go back to work, as getting out of the house and doing something active rather than just sitting around, made me feel a hell of a lot better.

The first hour was really hard, as I felt so tired, but as I began to work, the cloud and the tiredness seemed to lift, until by the end of my shift, I was almost back to normal (apart from the gnawing pain in my stomach due to hunger). My appetite is still not quite back to normal, but this is no bad thing, since I eat far too much anyway. In fact this bug has shown me just how much I do eat, and that I can in fact survive on much less than I think - I may have a manual job, but it doesn't burn that many calories ! From now on then, having also got rid of all that post Christmas bloat, I will making much more of an effort to watch what I eat.

While I was away, another death occured - this time for a lady who lived upstairs and rarely left her room. She was the longest standing resident after Louie, who died just before Christmas, and had a very advanced form of dementia. On the few occassions that she did leave her room, I can only describe the look on this woman's face as fear. Her death is then in many ways a blessed relief, as of course it usually is, for those who actually go anyway ...

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