As 2012 comes to an end

It's that time of year again, when we stand on the threshold of the new year, waiting for the end of the old and the beginning of the new. It seems like we were only here a short while ago, on the 21st with an altogether more symbolic ending, or perhaps beginning. For most though, who did not see the significance of that day, the real ending comes tonight. Whichever you choose as the most important to you, it marks the turning point where the cycle starts again.

What a cycle then it has been - this past twelve months has seen more bloodshed and more tears than even I would have thought possible, with wars in all four corners of the globe - the uprisings in Syria that continue unabated, the protests in Egypt about the so-called too Islamic constitution, the conflict between Israel and Palestine and more recently the rape and subsequent death of a young woman in India. These are just four examples of much else that has happened in the world at large.

Closer to home we have also seen the crisis deepen within the Eurozone, with unrest brewing also within our own borders at the proposed benefit cuts that will affect thousands if not millions of working poor. It is ironic that this comes at a time when the banks who have been the cause of much of the angst try to out their own house in order - it is a noble effort to be sure, but perhaps a case of too little, too late, for this was also the year in which ordinary people such as myself moved their money in droves, to banks and offered a more ethical stance.

This year we have it seems seen many different chapters unfold with scandals being unveiled almost every day - not only in banking, but also in politics and the media.  This though is a positive thing, as the more these things come to light, the greater the opportunity there is for change, a change towards a society where ordinary citizens and the greater good is at then heart, rather than the vested interests of the small minority. The theme for the year has from my perspective been transparency, for that is exactly what we have seen - where things are no longer hidden from view and everything is seen in plain sight (it has been hiding for a long time). Of course the politicians and the business people have done their best to resist, but in the end, it's a bit like The Borg - resistance is futile, for the tide has already turned.

The tides are of course governed by the Moon, which is in turn purveyor of the feminine principal and all that that represents, and so it is that we have also seen a rise in feminine power - women's rights have been debated like never before - the right for a woman to choose and have power over her own body and indeed her own life. The incident in India only serves to highlight this, as did the case ironically of another Indian born lady in Ireland who died following her Doctors refusal to carry out a termination, despite the fact that the child which was being miscarried, would not have been viable.      

For my own part, the most significant external event has to be have been the Olympics, for this was the year in which the nation welcomed Olympians from around the globe into our hearts. For one glorious weekend at the end of July, the small village in which I live played host to the worlds media as the Olympic cyclists, both men and women, pedalled along our streets (perhaps I should say road, as there is only one of them), which were filled to capacity with people from all around not only our own county, but it seemed like the whole universe. A lot had of course gone on behind the scenes both before and after the events, and I would be lying if I said it had been smooth sailing, for there was trouble on the high and stormy seas. The Olympics were then for me both a blessing and a curse, the highlight of the year, but also a low point for what they showed me about the ability of a small minded minority to spoil things for the bigger thinking majority, but most of all about people's reticence to place themselves above the parapet and champion their own views.

Late spring/early summer was for both Coran and I a difficult time, with the Box Hill News debacle )after months of work LOCOG informed us that we would not be able to sell the planned Olympic issue), and my subsequent resignation from the role as Editor. At the same time, there as a series of deaths at work, other problems with the boss (for this read Director), who wrote some unwarranted and disparaging comments about the quality of my work, and some serious health issues that Coran also had to face. With love and support from each other, and from some very good friends (at times like these,you find out who your friends really are), we managed to get through and ultimately came out much stronger the other side. Adversity has a funny way of doing that.

There has also been much adversity in my own work, mostly from the Directors and the constant movement it seems of different Managers. At the end of October I made the decision to finally move on and put that chapter to bed. The last page will be turned on January 16th next year, the date that I finally leave. It will and has been a grieving process in many ways, getting used to the idea that I will no longer be around to make a difference to our lovely residents lives, but in the new home that I am moving to a new contract is being made on a soul level with a new group of elderly folk who now need me more.

For me it has also been a year of travel - to Avebury at the beginning of the year, Lundy in March, and the Isles of Scilly in June. I also enjoyed a week in North Devon/Cornwall during September and of course for the Winter Solstice once again at Avebury/Glastonbury/Stonehenge.

It has also been a year of books - and there have been some very good ones at that. This time last year, I made the decision to commence the Around the World Reading Challenge - reading a book that is set in every country of the world. I had been unofficially doing this for a while, so had chalked up a number of countries already, but during the past twelve months, have added about forty more. I have a long way to go, but am enjoying the journey, and learning much about the world at the same time - some good, some not so good. The one thing that I have learnt from all of it, as I have from my own journey, is that life although it can be hard, brings us nothing that we are unable to deal with, and beneath it all, there is always an opportunity to change and see the good, adversity as I said earlier, comes from pain, and so the pain and the dark, ultimately serves the light.       

So now that the end is at hand, and we stand poised to usher in the new year, what do I wish for 2013 - there are no grand gestures and no resolutions, for there is really only one, that is breathtaking in its simplicity. I want nothing more than to be happy, and to continue to be the best that I can be, encouraging others, along the way to do the same. We could sit here and debate the purpose and the meaning of life until the cows have gone home, but that is all it really is - to find out or perhaps to remember, all that we are, and to continually recreate that in the next grandest vision that we have of ourselves. My wish then for 2013 is that others see this same vision, and work together to create a world where all that no longer serves this role naturally falls away, a world where growth and evolution of the spirit becomes the goal, rather than the acquisition of material wealth and things, where it all about what we can for others, rather than what they can do for us, knowing that this is the same thing, for all is one, and we are one with the universe. We are the universe manifesting itself through us, so I say, bring it on, whatever 2013 has in store for me, I am ready.

Dreams of dialysis

Last night I had some intensely vivid dreams about various forms of medical treatment that I appeared to be undertaking - the most vivid of which was dialysis. With my limited medical knowledge I understand that the kidneys are responsible for keeping the body free of all the substances (waste products) that it no longer needs, and so it occurred to me that this dream must too have been some kind of purge to get rid of all that I no longer need. I have after all been asking for some time that this occurs.

I thought though I would take a look at my favourite mind body medicine guide, the wonderful "Your Body Speaks Your Mind" by Deb Shapiro and copy here what it is I found. My own words have been added in bold:

"You have two kidneys and two adrenal glands that sit on top of them. The job of the kidneys is to maintain a balance of water (emotion) and minerals and the acid/alkali content in the blood, and to act as a filter for unwanted substances by determining what is good and helpful versus what is toxic or damaging.

This is an essential balancing of opposites symbolized by the two kidneys in relation to each other. Issues here are especially connected with relationship, whether imbalances in your relationship with others - particularly with your primary partner - or imbalances of the masculine and feminine energies within yourself.

The kidneys are involved in the production of red blood cells, indicative of their involvement in generating love throughout your being. Yet, they are also about release and letting go, especially of negative feelings, and this is most obvious at times of relationship breakdown. Such a separation causes an imbalance as well as a surplus of negative and insecure feelings.

At times of kidney difficulties it is essential to find ways to release feelings, even if it means hitting a pillow. By letting the negative go the flow of love can be resumed.

In Chinese medicine the kidneys are known as the seat of fear, mainly because the adrenal glands release adrenaline into the body in response to excitement, anger, panic and stress. The kidneys respond to fear, to unexpressed grief and loss. Fear motivates action or immobilizes you into inaction. This is seen in the important connection between the kidneys and the joints. Just as the joints give you the ability to express yourself, so the kidneys let go of that which is no longer needed. Uric acid is normally excreted by the kidneys, but if it is not released it can build up in the joints, as is the case with gout, which causes painful swelling and immobility. Gout particularly affects the toes, implying deep fears about what lies ahead."

This is then interesting reading, and seems to confirm that my initial analysis of this dreams is correct, that it is indeed about letting go. What Deb has to say about fear though also rings true - and particularly about relationship breakdown. The most important relationship with another in my life is of course the one I have with Coran, and there is no problem there, but the second most important one after that has to be, you guessed it, my job, and that is most definitely breaking down as I prepare to leave. As I was writing just the other day, I have in fact been resisting this tooth and nail, and refusing to believe that it was even happening at all, but I can no longer deny the fact this it is. It seems then that my own subconscious had found a way during the dream state for me to start the process of finally letting it all go, and for that I am grateful, as I know several people with gout, and I most definitely do not want to develop this!

So, in the meantime, where's that pillow?

It starts with acceptance

One week after 21st, the world and I are both still standing, while I it seems have plunged right into the heart of that proverbial fire.

Following a relaxing weekend away, it was straight back to work, and a five day stretch during the festive week. While some get to have two whole weeks off work, those in the health and social care sector such as myself are lucky to have any time at all. It seems unfair in some ways that those who work arguably the hardest of all and make the greatest contribution to society reap the smallest of rewards, but I get the feeling that that may be about to change as society reappraises its values. That though is a whole other subject, although vaguely related to what I am about to say.

On Christmas Day I worked a long day from 7am to 6pm and knackered is not the word. Coran came along to help, as she often does entirely off her own back, and without pay, as she likes to do so, and also wanted to help me, knowing that with my colleague working in the kitchen during the morning, I was the only housekeeper on duty, responsible for the entire house. That is a big responsbility and one in a long line of reasons why I know that I really do need to leave. Despite the hard work, Christmas Day is usually reltaively relaxed - the work obviously needs to be done, but everything seems to slow down, as staff and residents enjoy the festive atmosphere surrounded by their own family, many of whom visited, followed by a festive meal, ably cooked by our superb Kitchen Manager.        

Christmas Day was followed by a shorter day (normal for me) of 7am to 2pm, with the same again yesterday and today. I awoke on Christmas Day to the beginnings of what felt like a cold with a distinct soreness in the throat and the beginnings of a vague tickle in the nose. By yesterday it had developed into chills and shivering with watery eyes to boot (the eyes - the right one in particular, have been watering for a while - perhaps due to unshed tears?). I should have gone home, or better still, not gone work at all, but I have my heart set on certain items in certain sales, and sadly they do not buy themselves - and, if I do not work, I do not get paid, so off to work I went.

My already fragile feelings were exacerbated by the discovery on Thursday that a replacement has already been found for my job - a young Polish girl - I met her when she same to fill in her forms. I must admit that this knocked me for six, and I am not altogether sure why. This is not really true, for actually I am very much aware, but do not like to admit it. This discovery, when it came, immediately pushed all my own "I am indispensable and this place is going to fall apart without me" buttons. I realise that this will sound like ego, and of course it is, but there, I have said it. It is out there. I am a flawed and imperfect human, as we all are.

Of course is also means that there can be no going back. With this discovery also then came the realisation that this is real and happening, you see, I have been pretending that it is not, kidding myself that it is all in my head, and happening in some other universe. That though is so I do not have to deal with how I really and truly feel.

How then do I really and truly feel? When it comes down to it, I feel as if I have been pushed out of a job that I love because of others behaviour - there is a large part of me still that does not really want to leave, but there is also a part that sees that there are very compelling reasons why I have to. There is a sense of dictotomy between the two which has led my feelings to oscillate - one day I am happy with my choice and clear in my reasons for doing this, the next when one of the residents tells me they missed me on my day off, I start to think "how can I leave this place, when they need me and love me so much". Pure ego I know, for the truth is they will find someone else to miss once I am gone, and one year from now will probably not even be on this planet.

This morning though, all those feelings came flooding to the surface - what I then felt was a great and overwhelming sense of loss and betrayal - I felt dejected, miserable, fed up, unseen and unnoticed - the same it seems I have felt for most of my life. That then is why when I went to work this morning, feeling worse than I did the day before, after a restless night interspersed with coughing fits, I was not pleased to see my colleague, who is suffering from the same symptoms, gain copious amounts of sympathy from others while I was almost completely ignored. It was obvious that I too was suffering, but not one person asked how I was, or if  I was alright - the Manager did ask just as I was about to go home. When my colleague then decided to go home, halfway through the morning, it all got a bit too much, and I sat on the toilet and cried and cried.

As the tears came streaming out, with great big sobs, so the feelings came out too. I managed to calm down, dried my tears and thought I was okay, but half an hour later, the tears came again for a second time, this time a lot more of them. Half an hour and a cup of coffee later, I finally dried my eyes, with still no one noticing or asking how I was, and reluctantly got on with my work. In truth, I felt like going home, but with my colleague gone, someone had to do the work. I had visions of me ringing Coran, asking her to come and me bursting into her arms with heartfelt sobs that left everyone in no doubt as to what I was experiencing.

I didn't though do this, and the fact that I didn't left me asking, why do I feel the need to continually paper over the cracks and hide how I feel, stuffing everything down out of sight and out of mind. I know it is not good for me, but still I continue to do this. Is it then really that surprising that I am unseen and unnoticed when I hide so much not only from others, but also from myself. I am also aware that unless I take action to clear these thoughts and these emotions that have been a part of me now for much, much too long, I will take them with me to my next job and nothing will change.

While it is true that where I am has become a toxic environment, I have to take some of the responsibility, in fact all of the responsibility for how I feel about and have reacted to that, for it is an undeniable fact that that has been the cause of at least eighty percent of my stress. None of that of course excuses what has happened during my three and a half years here, the four changes of Manager, the things that the Director has said and done, the constant tiredness and lack of respect from certain others members of the team, but all of this has pressed my buttons like mad and triggered what has sometimes seemed like an insane reaction. The first step is as always to recognise this pattern, for it is only then that the clearing can begin, and now that I know that there really will be no going back (for if my job has already been filled there will not be one for me to go back to), the clearing can well and truly begin - it starts with acceptance, and a good rest this weekend with lots of retail therapy and some gluten free cake!

Into the Fire: Thirteen Senses

Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Explain, explain
As I turn and meet the power
This time, This time
Turning white and senses dire
Pull up, pull up
From one extreme to another

From the summer to the spring
From the mountain to the air
From Samaritan to sin
And it’s waiting on the end

Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Explain, explain
As I turn and meet the power
This time, This time
Turning white and sense dire
Pull up, pull up
From one extreme to another

From the summer to the spring
From the mountain to the air
From Samaritan to sin
And it’s waiting on the end

and now I’m alone I’m looking out
I’m looking in, way down
The lights are dim
and now I’m alone I’m looking out
I’m looking in, way down
The lights are dim

Ooooh

Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Come on, come on

Still Here !

Well, the 21st December proved not to be the end of the world as was widely predicted, as I am still here to tell the tale. While some did believe in the Doomsday sagas that the sky would turn black and they would be lifted up in the Rapture to meet their God, I for one was not one of them, preferring to believe in the alternative theory that this was to usher in a new era of peace as the previous era came to an end. This has in fact been happening for a while, not in an altogether easy transition, depending on your point of view. It has been easier it has to be said for some than for others, mostly those who chose not to resist. For the majority who did not and still do not understand, it has sadly not been an easy path, and that is precisely why those who have been on the path for a while and do understand will be so needed in the coming weeks and months. Where Coran and I have been doing the work now for 20 odd years, those who chose not to embrace this change now have just a few short months. I would not want to be in their shoes!

During the weeks leading up to the 21st Coran and I both experienced some very strange dreams - it was almost as if both of us were clearing away all the debris of both past and current lives. The dreams included visits to various ancient civilisations around the world, as well as more recent events where we confronted those who have affected both of us deeply in both positive and negative ways - colleagues for example from former jobs, school bullies, former friends and acquaintances and family members. Some of these dreams were very vivid and intense and immensely real and frightening. It is all though good, as both of us knew that the more we cleared before the 21st, the less we would be taking with us.

One thing that I will definitely not be taking with me is my current job, for four days before the 21st, on the 17th, I arrived home from work to find that my CRB had finally arrived. I telephoned my soon to be new boss straight away to let them know and confirm my starting date - 21st January, exactly one month after the start of this new era. The following day I went to work and handed in my notice. The next few days passed in a bit of a blur and seemed somewhat unreal. Now that it is real I feel nothing but a huge sense of relief. It all feels so right - the timing and everything about it, most of all the fact that I shall start there exactly one month to the day of the commencement of this brand new era that we have talked about for so long.

When I first heard about the significance of this event, at the end of the last millennium, it seemed so distant, but the time has passed so fast that it now hardly seems real. Now that we have moved through it and come out the other side, it seems even less so, but move through it we have, and I for one can think of no one I would rather have experienced it with and had by my side during the entire magnificent process than Coran, the person whom I love beyond all else.

When I realised that 21st was to be my day off from work, I suggested that we go away somewhere together, just the two of us, to be in our space to experience the shift in our own way. At first we thought about trying to get private access to Stonehenge, but this proved impossible, so we decided instead to stay at the Travelodge near Amesbury for one night to be in the energy of the stones, and to visit Avebury at the same time. We then hit upon the idea of also visiting Glastonbury, another of our favourite sacred sites, and so, the Chalice Well being already full, we booked a second night at the Travelodge  in Glastonbury as well. So it was that we found ourselves awake shortly after midnight at the start of the 21st, and at 11.11am later on that day, walking up to the top of the Tor. We were in good company with many others of like mind, all chanting and singing, enjoying the atmosphere and soaking it all in.

It was interesting to see people's reactions at work when I told them of our plans, which ranged from the jealous to the incredulous. As one of them put it "in this day of reason and scientific enlightenment that people should believe such things". Now that it is all over, is it interesting too to see written all over the Internet words to the effect that it was all a damp squib, and as no one saw, felt or heard anything, none of it exists. The fact that countless others may have seen, heard and felt various things seems to be of little consequence, for it is not the person writing this stuff who saw, felt or heard anything, and it is therefore regarded as hokum, or words to that effect.

 

It does not seem to occur to them that the reason they felt, heard or saw nothing is because the transformation is meant to come from within, and cannot be regarded as an external thing. If you want to create change in your life, then you have to go out and create that change. The cynics may think that thousands chanting and banging drums at the top of Glastonbury Tor, or countless other sacred sites, not only in the UK but throughout the world is only symbolic and had no real effect, but trust me this, the energy at the top of that Tor was tangible, and when groups of people gather together with one common focus, things happen whether you feel it or not!

 

I know that I have experienced major shifts in my own life over the last few years, and that these will continue to occur, I also know that others have experienced the same, and I say, bring it on. This was not meant to be one event where everything suddenly shifts, but a gradual process - this is then only the beginning. It is up to us the way showers to hasten that process and help others as they come onto the path to speed up their own processes. This is an exciting time to be on the planet, and I for one intend to enjoy every single minute, as we move to infinity and beyond.   

 

For Coran and I then, it was and is not so much about the day itself, but more about what happens afterwards now that the portal is open and we have chosen to step through. The coming days and months will be interesting indeed to watch and see what happens both within us and within the world at large.

It's the End of the World As We Know It

The end is nigh

With less than a week to go until 21st, the end of the Mayan long count calendar, when we finally cross that portal to the next stage in our evolutionary journey, it has been a relatively quiet week at work. This is of course a blessing in the run up to both Christmas and the 21st, and is largely because for once, on the housekeeping side at least, we have been fully staffed. The carers have not however been without their problems, with one in particular taking extended periods of sick leave with little if any notice, and failing to bring in a Doctors note to certify why. This lady has a reputation for causing problems with not only the staff, but also residents, as she has upset virtually all of us with her attitude on a multitude of occasions. I wonder then if her time with us, like mine, will soon be coming to an end. Whatever her issues are, I also hope that she sorts them out soon.

The net result of this, as I discovered when I read the minutes from the recent staff meeting, is that her absence, among other things (for it is not of course all her fault) is causing the company to spend far too much on agency staff to cover the shortfall. The pay rise that we were, so I am told, due to be awarded in the New Year is consequently under threat. It is news to me that a rise was in the offing at all. As previously mentioned, three months ago, I wrote to the former Manager and Director requesting a rise, and setting out what I considered to be quite a good case. Despite my repeated reminders, I am yet to receive a reply. It is then news to me that a rise was to be awarded after all, and to be honest, the way in which I discovered this leaves a somewhat nasty taste in  the mouth. I do not expect to find out via a memo and it makes me wonder why the Director did not see fit to inform me of this decision in person. This though is not his style, he would rather leave notes criticising our work, in fact he would rather it seems do anything that communicate direct. I bit I have to concede like me. The fact that he NEVER gets agency staff for us housekeepers or indeed the Chefs (to the extent that the Kitchen Manager has not had a proper holiday since she started here three years ago) only adds to the sense of injustice.

It is though what it is, and as the anger diminishes and I begin to accept the fact that I will be leaving (assuming this CRB ever comes through), it somehow does not seem that important. I cannot control the thought processes and reasoning of others any more than I can control the weather, but I can control my own thoughts, and I know that the closer we get to the 21st the more important this becomes, as our thoughts as we go through that portal will determine the world that we create on the other side. I therefore choose not to get caught up in this drama any more but to create a future filled with love, compassion and all those things that the world needs to see it through to the next phase.

Choices, consequences and responsibilies

Today being the 1st of December, we have possibly another 21 days until the end of the world, not that I believe in all of that, well, not all of it. I believe that a great change is coming, in fact has been coming for some time (you only need to read the news to know that), but not that it is the end of the literal world. The material one yes, the me, me. me attitude and the idea that we can do what we like without consequences, that is the thing that is changing, very rapidly now indeed, and I for one hope that it changes as quickly as possible. When it does I can think of one or two chickens that will be sitting on very large roosts ...       

Sadly despite all my good work and effort, things at work this past week have gone from bad to a hell of a lot worse. I know that this is only my own perception and the stress comes from my own inability to deal with and accept the situation, but having said this, none of it excuses what has and is happening there and the behaviour of certain individuals, which has left a lot to be desired.

Due to the fact that one of the other housekeepers moved house on Monday, and was granted a weeks holiday at the very last moment (she is supposed to give a weeks notice), we have had one housekeeper once again, every single day this week. With only one housekeeper in all weekend as well, this means that by the time I return to work on Monday, the house will not have been cleaned properly for nine days - with an epidemic of norovirus (a thought that I definitely do not want to put out there) sweeping across hospitals and care homes throughout the country, this is plainly unacceptable.  

This was bad enough, but when I got to work on Thursday expecting that there would be two of us, plus the Kitchen Assistant, I found that the other housekeeper had phoned in sick. That was one thing (apart from the fact that no one bothered to tell me and I had to ask when I noticed that she was not there),  but a little while later, the Chef came and told me that the Kitchen Assistant was being sick also and had to go home! That meant, you guessed it, that I had to then do the job of all three - cleaning the entire house, doing all the laundry and all the kitchen work.

It seems to me (and I have said this I know on numerous occasions) that all we are doing at this place is continually papering over the cracks. The Director doesn't care one iota about the staff, and they know it, so his attitude towards them filters down to the extent that they no longer care about anything either, and they are surprised that I want to leave!

Now that I am leaving I have got to the point where I am past caring, and I say let those cracks open up as wide as possible, as this is the only way that things will change for those that do choose to remain. On Thursday, I therefore resolved to work as slowly as possible doing only the absolute essentials, and deliberately put the dishwasher on a longer wash cycle so that it took longer and I could not complete all of my tasks - that way the rest of the staff were forced to help. As I said to our maintenance man, it is important after all that the dishes are washed properly - infection control and all of that - there is an epidemic of norovirus in a lot of other hospitals and homes and we don't want to take any risks ... While most of the staff did rally round and do what they could, two of the carers refused to help, stating that their hands and arms were causing them problems - it didn't stop them doing their own jobs though. Strange that, as people weigh a lot more than dirty dishes!

Our new Manager is it seems going to have one hell of a job on her hands to get this lot into line - at the moment it seems to me that they are acting like spoilt children who are testing the boundaries to see how far they can go. She is facing a difficult task - on the one hand she is still getting to know people and needs to find out who they are and how they work, on the other, she also needs to let them know who is boss, and in my opinion at least, down some very firm ground rules as quickly as possible and put her foot down with a very firm hand. It is interesting then that she herself has injured her foot, by tripping over a loose paving stone near where she lives. I would have given her 10 minutes of Reiki on Thursday, but I did not have the time ... I have a good relationship with her fortunately, so can say a lot of things, and tell some home truths and I have, as has the Chef ... She needs though to find these things out for herself, and she will. The trouble with, she is also under pressure from the top.

Yesterday morning though, when the alarm clock went off, it all got a little too much and the combination of a sleepless night, the exhaustion of the previous week, and the 13th anniversary of my Mum's death all got a bit too much. Coran too could not sleep, as she had a halter tape strapped to her body recording her heart rhythms (a follow up to last years tests), so both of us were in the same boat. For the first time I actually shed tears, tears of exhaustion at the thought of going into that place to do my work. I have experienced this before, in my previous job and so knew the warning signs, and knew that it meant that I had to take some me time and rest, and so I asked Coran to let them know that I would not be in. Thankfully it is also my weekend off, so that means three days of rest.

Things there seriously though do need to change for those that choose to remain. The Director, and indeed the staff, need to understand that it all about choices, consequences and responsibilities. If they choose to have the attitude that they have and not work properly together as a team, then that has consequences and they all have to accept joint responsbility for those consequences. If they cannot or will not do this, then they have to do what I have now chosen to do - get the hell out!   

As for me, well I will not be there to see those changes (just the beginnings of them, and that too is already happening). The fact that I am leaving means that the rumour mill is already beginning to work. It may not yet be official, but that is only a matter of time and I know that after this week there will be absolutely no going back and no changing my mind. It is though only a matter of time before an earthquake of seismic proportions tears that place apart bit by bit from the inside, and right down the middle. I only hope that it doesn't affect the residents too much.