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Saturday, 11 July 2009

What we resist persists

With the forthcoming solar eclipse (visible from Southeast Asia) on 22nd July - the day that my holiday begins, and other recent planetary activity, the past couple of weeks have seen plenty of issues coming up for me to deal with, mostly work related. I didn't realise how much my experiences at other jobs, when I first left school has affected me. These were not good experiences - I got the sack from my first 'proper' job as a filing clerk, as in their own words "the work was not getting done". This was actually not my fault, but the fault of others who were not pulling their weight - the truth was that my face did not fit and they wanted an excuse to get rid of me. I was young and inexperienced and did not have the courage to stand up to them and so that was that.

My next job was not much better - I worked for a secretarial services agency which had not long been in business - working from the bosses home. I agreed to work for the first six months on what was then the Youth Opportunities Programme in order to help her out, on the understanding that at the end of those six months I would be offered a 'proper' job. This did not happen, as I was asked to leave an hour before the end of my 13th week after the scheme finished (the law stated back then that you had to be given a written contract of employment within 13 weeks of starting work). This was not a good start to my career, and the start of a pattern of mistrust and miscommunication that has followed me to this day - or at least until the end of my most recent job in retail.

I am determined that that pattern will be broken and so have been taking steps to look at and work through these issues, and as I do this, things have been coming up for me to deal with. One of these is the fear of history repeating itself - every time the boss asks to see me, or I am shown a different way to do things, my stomach lurches, as if I am being told that I am not good enough. Still, the fact that I recognise this means that I am halfway towards resolving these feelings, feelings which I no longer want or need to experience.

These feelings are to be expected given the planetary activity of late and the phase that we are going through. Everyone is experiencing similar things in their own way, and it does help to know that I am not alone. We are being given an opportunity to change and grow, to examine ourselves, and to allow unwanted energies and thought patterns to depart. This is a reason to rejoice as the more clearing we do, the less that is left to do. There is no room for such experiences in the new world that we are creating, and so they have to depart, and our experience has to change, hence the need for self examination, for it is our reaction to these situations more than anything that determines our experiences. If we can realise that our reactions are borne from ego, then we can understand and deal with them, with love and compassion, and we can see the ego in others too and send them the healing that they also need.

This is a graceful and beautiful experience to be welcomed with open arms and not resisted in any way, for what we resist persists. I know this from bitter experience, and so I resist no more, for to do so prevents me from moving forwards, and move forwards I must.

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