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Tuesday, 30 September 2008

In the air tonight

Having just returned from an evening of Astrodynamics with my dear friend Sarah Jane Grace things are a little clearer and the mind a bit less cluttered. Being not just a Cancerian, and triple water sign, but also a woman, I am very much ruled by the emotions and think with the heart rather than the head. At the autumn equinox last weekend we moved into the airy sign of Libra, which is the complete opposite, and this is what we worked with tonight.

It is late and I am tired, so I won't go into too much detail. Posts like this are more for my own benefit than anyone else's, to help me remember in the cold light of day. If I do not write about it now then the moment and the clarity that comes with that moment will be lost.

Libra is one of three air signs, and the only one which is symbolised by an inanimate object (the scales) rather than a living being. This gives us a clue as to the nature of this sign, and its ability to rise above what may be seen as the animal nature - to be in the higher mind as opposed to the lower emotions and intellect.

As an element air can be both turbulent and passive. Air signs are thinkers, who have the ability to create ideas and plan, they follow the pursuit of truth, justice, harmony and order and have clearly defined ideas about right and wrong. They bring clarity and understanding to situations by viewing things from a detached perspective - what I would call the higher mind, where we let go of thoughts and attachment to thoughts, but rise above that to a higher plane, an almost visionary, detached like state.

Air signs, in particular Libra, find it very difficult to feel their emotions, being ruled very much by the head rather than the heart. They are more concerned with day to day matters than survival and our primal instincts - which water signs such as Cancer (which I am) feel very strongly. Water signs feel very deeply, almost too deeply, and are at times overwhelmed by emotions, struggling to keep them in check, and being almost afraid to let go and open the floodgates. It is a fear of loss of control, and what will happen if we really do let go, will we and others that get swept along with us, be able to cope and deal with the aftermath.

During the meditation I struggled to make contact with my own Libra. I was aware of her or maybe his (I cannot remember which gender Libra is) presence, but could not allow myself to feel. The emotions were too overwhelming and would not get out of the way, and the mind as well would not keep still. What I need to do is find a way to get past these emotions, to reach the higher mind, and see the bigger picture from that higher perspective.

Sarah suggested a one to one session with her to try and get through this block which is obviously holding me back. It seems the only way to break this pattern of problems which seems to bug almost every job that I have had. This is a pattern which I know I have to break for my own health and sanity, as well as my partner's, who has been fantastic today, holding the space, and listening without judgment.

Tomorrow I shall ring Sarah and get the ball rolling.

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