To my cracked pot friends

There is a heart warming story today on Sarah Jane Grace's blog which really made me smile. Sarah tells the tale of an Indian water bearer and his cracked pot, a tale which reminds us embrace our own unique flaws, for we all have them. It is these very flaws that make us so unique and make life on this wonderful planet so challenging and interesting - all at the same time, for they shape us into the people that we are and teach us valuable lessons about tolerance, acceptance and patience - qualities which are in short supply in the hectic pace of our modern society. The story also serves as a reminder to stop and slow down, to smell the coffee (or perhaps the flowers), so that we too can flower. I am honoured to count myself as one of Sarah's crackpot friends ...

So without further ado, here is the story:

"A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.""Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts." The pot said.The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.

"Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the Pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pots side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

Forging ahead

I am missing the regular astrology group that I used to attend with my good friend Sarah Jane Grace, which seems to have been disbanded since my sojourn on on Lundy. Sarah describes herself as a psychic astrologer; someone who tunes in to the actual energies of the planets to see how they interact with the others in an individuals birth chart. This is not the sun sign astrology that you read in the papers, which don't get me wrong, has it's place, for this work is far more in depth.

It amazes me that each month when my partner, who does Sarah's website, receives the monthly horoscopes, that they are so in tune with what has been occuring in my life:

The April horoscope for my own sign of Cancer is as follows:

"Life has become a little tough recently, you feel as though your life is not moving in the way you had hoped for. You seem to be stuck in limbo, almost in stasis, not quite sure where to go next. In some ways this is due to your inner cautionary nature taking hold, as you are understandably feeling a little nervous about your way forwards in life. It seems that whichever way you turn, you have to make a leap of faith, and the fear of this has got you trapped in inertia.

You are aware of a pressure around you, trying to forge a way ahead, pushing you forwards. You haven’t realised that this, is, in fact you! You are creating the push/pull scenario – a feeling that you so desperately want to move forwards, but the fear holds you back. You must be feeling exhausted.

April brings with it a smoother path, and an easier ride. Once you stop wrestling with yourself so much, you will be able to see your way ahead with great clarity and focus. This is likely to be an obvious step, and you may feel a little silly that you had missed this solution before now, but worry not, don’t think about what has passed, focus on the present instead. Life doesn’t have to be tough anymore, embrace the joy and happiness, it is now within your grasp."

I do hope that she is right! Her other horoscopes can be read here.

The dawning of Aquarius

Yesterday morning was my monthly astrology group with Sarah Jane Grace. It was as usual a thought provoking time, with much to mull over and chew on.

The Sabian symbol for the day was "A large white dove circles about and about overhead and then descends and proves to be a carrier with a message".

This brought to mind the idea of the dove being a symbol of peace, holding the olive branch. This got to me to thinking of what the olive branch represents - it comes from the Biblical story of the flood (and also the Epic Gilgamesh, which is the oldest written narrative of the flood). Noah releases the dove to see if it will fly back, and when it returns with the olive branch, he knows that the flood has subsided and it is safe to go ashore.

When you think about the symbology of water (the flood), it is about emotion (as a triple water sign, this is something I know all about). The dove was telling Noah that it was safe to come out of the Ark, his hiding place. Safety does not come from hiding away, or locking things into our hearts, but from dealing with and ultimately rising above emotion, if and when we manage to achieve that, then true peace is revealed. It was interesting that as the meditation came to an end, and Sarah brought us gently back into the room, doves were cooing just outside the window. It was almost as if they were confirming that my analysis was correct, that I needed to put these thoughts and words into action.

There is a lot going on astrologically at the moment. Yesterday was a Full Moon (in Leo) and also a lunar eclipse, which signifies great change (since when has that been new). The Sun has recently moved into the Sign of Aquarius - the water carrier. Aquarius is one of three air signs, along with Libra and Gemini, and as such, is all about the mind. Key words for this sign are intellect, objectivity, detachment, justice, communication, utopia and inter connectedness.

This sign is about using the power of the mind to affect change and understand the mysteries of the universe. Aquarians have a strong need to learn and to understand, gaining in wisdom and knowledge. There is a streak of rebellion in this sign, and the non conformist, an element of the revolutionary. Aquarians are not concerned with the one, but more with the whole. It is an optimistic sign, but also emotionally distant and somewhat detached.

Aquarius has two rulers - Saturn and Uranus. Saturn is the teacher and the tester, who turns thoughts and ideals into something concrete and tangible, bringing everything down to earth. He eliminates hypocrisy, and forces us to take responsibility, to become our own father (he represents the inner father). It will come as no surprise to learn that my own Saturn has been very vociferous of late. So too has my Uranus.

Uranus is the planet of intuition and ideals. He represents inspiration, creativity and inter connectedness, the need to understand the whole, to see the bigger picture, where we are going and why. He is the truth seeker, who gets to the bottom of things, leaving no stone unturned. In the Tarot he represents the fool, who steps into the abyss or the unknown, and is willing to take risks, a bit like Indiana Jones stepping off the invisible brigde. I suppose that at the moment, that is what I am doing.

There are some very important astrological line ups at the moment, with about eight or nine planets and asteroids conjunct - namely Mercury (communication) in Capricorn conjunct Mars (energy and drive), conjunct Jupiter (growth and expansion), conjunct Juno (dynamics in relationships), all in Aquarius. We also have Chiron (the wounded healer) conjunct Neptune (mysticism and spirituality), conjunct The Sun (our core self), also in Aquarius. Add to this mix the fact that The Moon moves into Libra on 12th February (in Sun Sign astrology, Libra is the seventh house), according to the musical Hair, we are about the enter the real Age of Aquarius.

"When The Moon is in the seventh house
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars"

I have not seen the musical (although I was tempted to when Jacqueline mentioned that it features naked men!), so cannot comment either way, but these planets, combined with yesterdays Lunar Eclipse, make an interesting combination, which is highly relevant to my own life. The line up will peak this week, although its strength will be felt throughout the month of February, moving away towards the beginning of March.

After we had finished discussing all of this, we did the usual meditation with the planets in our own individual charts - in my case I have three asteroids in Aquarius - Pallas Athene (creative intelligence and defender of the weak), Juno (dynamics in relationships - with others and self), and Lilith (primal feminine, repressed issues and emotions, especially anger - there has been a lot of that of late). The message I got from these three is that Lundy is the ideal place to deal with these issues, but not to worry about may or may not be, with regard to actually living there; to take one step at a time, and trust that things will pan out.

This was an important message for me, since I have been putting off contacting the island and asking questions about volunteering. When I got home later on, following a trip into town to visit some agencies and run a few errands, I was therefore pleased to find an email waiting for me from the Island Warden with further details for volunteers and an application form.

The conditions for volunteers are basic to say the least - they are housed in caravans with no heating and no running water - you have to go to the nearby campsite for toilets, showers and presumably washing up as well. The caravans are equipped with fridges and gas cookers, so at least I will be able to cook - I can't afford to eat at the Tavern every night, and even if I could, as a wheat free vegetarian, the choice would be extremely limited. Working hours are normally five days a week, 8.30 to 4.30, depending on the season, and what work you are willing to do. In my case I have opted for domestic work - in the Tavern and shop and cleaning properties.

It is a scary thing for me, since I know that once I have done this there is no going back - the dynamics of being on the island will never be the same again. But, as a member of one of the several Internet forums that I frequent commented, I have to do this, no matter that the cost (and it will be considerable), as otherwise I will never know whether it is right for me or not.

I have then taken the bull by the horns and sent the form back, so all that remains is to wait and see what happens. I have stated that I wish to go on March 2nd, a week before my holiday starts on 9th, as prior commitments (namely the village newsletter), prevent me from staying a week afterwards instead. Hopefully I will get confirmation back today, or in the next day or so. Once I have that, I can book the helicopter and a hotel for the night before, and start to plan what I need to bring with me (a sleeping bag and a fan heater by the sound of it).

Hopefully there will also be news regarding Friday's meeting in the next day or so, then I can finally begin to sort my life out, and move on. If it doesn't go in my favour (banish that thought), then it will be very difficult for me to leave the mainland at all.

Back to normal - whatever that is?

After a difficult couple of days (my emotions have been up and down like a yo-yo), today I am feeling relatively good. Saturday was the worst day. My partner and I went into town to get some shopping, and my purse was stolen, with all my cards and £40 cash that I had just withdrawn. Whoever it was may well have followed me from the cashpoint. On top of everything else that has happened, it made me feel ill, but I am nothing else if not a survivor, and I will bounce back.

We went straight home to phone the various banks and get the cards cancelled, and also to phone the Police, but it doesn't change the fact that it is gone. The purse itself may not be worth anything, but that is not the point - it takes 7-10 days to issue new cards, and while I am waiting I do not have access to any of my funds. Those thieves stole every last penny that I had on me, and until those cards arrive, I am having to borrow from my patner - I feel like a kept woman.

All of this has made me painfully aware of the little things in life and how much we take them for granted - things like being able to go out for a cup of tea, or to buy a newspaper or some chocolate - the little things that don't cost very much, but we still need money for. At the moment I am having to rely on him for these and everything else.

Our friend Sarah Jane Grace had some interesting things to say in an email yesterday. I am seeing her later on this morning for our regular astrology group (I must remember to ask my partner for the money to pay her). We are both at a bit of a crossroads, my partner probably more so than I am, as all my troubles have been pressing his buttons like mad and making him much worse than I am (I didn't think this was possible after Wednesday).

Sarah feels that we would benefit from some joint soul work and maybe some readings too - as part of that work. She has done this before with couples, and says that it helps them to cement their bond, but also to connect on a soul level, to understand where they are heading, both as a couple and as individuals. She feels as I do, that the incident with my purse was a reminder not to take things for granted, not just the little things (this is my words, not hers) but the fact that I will always have money full stop. This serves as a reminder that I cannot continue to sit around the house, that it is time for me to get out there and start looking for another job.

Despite my longings, I know in my heart of hearts that Lundy would not be the answer - it is my haven and place of solitude, and if I were to make a permanent move, that haven would be gone. There would be nowhere for me to retreat to in times of trouble. Perhaps that is the whole point, as I would have to rely on my own internal resources. That is what Lundy does anyway, by putting you into that space where the mind goes so still that you can hear yourself again, and more to the point, hear your inner guidance, as opposed to the ego. I have been running on ego for far, far too long, and my pain body has been acutely active these past few months. It is beginning to settle a bit more now the worst is over, and I hope it stays that way, for it has been mentally and emotionally exhausting, not just for me, but also for my partner, who has to live with the results. When you form a partnership, as we have, that partnership is not just with the person as a physical entity, but also with their pain body.

Thankfully Sarah does not see us splitting up (the thought had crossed both of our minds), but she does see a three month sabbatical on Lundy, to get my head together. I am not sure about this, for all the reasons I wrote about yesterday, and it is something to ponder a bit more. Perhaps I will get some further answers today. Personally I feel, as of this morning, that is time for me to get back into "normal" life, - a normal routine and a normal job.

Sarah sees me making a living as a freelance writer - I would love this more than anything to be the case, but it takes time to make the contacts and become established. I would need another part time job while I built my business up. At the same time, she sees me doing some form of voluntary work - perhaps for the CAB - after my recent troubles I had thought about this - or becoming a Union representive - I am not a member, but wish I had been.

I have some ideas for a few articles that I need to get started on - the longest and most important of which will be an article on Lundy - what else - which I plan to offer to a leading spiritual magazine that I have subscribed to for a number of years - I have checked the submission guidelines and need to get started, as I keep putting it off. I am also going to try my luck with some letters pages - some magazines pay up to £50 for letters their readers send in, and my revelations re the stolen purse would be of interest to a lot of people. Good can come from bad.

For the moment though, I need to get showered and dressed, and get something to eat, as my stomach is rumbling like mad. My digestion has been haywire these past few months - a sure sign of stress, but is beginning to settle back down. I must also remember to telephone my contact from the village newsletter, who needs help with her housework.

The eternal traveller that needs to let go

Tonight was the monthly Astrodynamics meeting with my good friend, Sarah Jane Grace. Since the Sun has recently moved into the sign of Sagittarius, this was the theme for the evening. We started off as per usual by meditating on the Sabian symbol for the day, which changed literally as our meeting began (there are different symbols for each astrological minute of each sign). This was as follows:

"An ugly old human figure is the carved representation of a God. Near the left side is an ever burning lamp."

It was not specified whether God in this case was upper or lower case, but my own interpretation was upper. There is a difference. What immediately sprang to mind was the passage from the book of Genesis where it states that God created man in his own image. I have always thought that it was much more the other way around - that it was man that created God in his own image, this being the only way that we can relate to anything - this helps to explain why the God in the Bible has human traits such as jealousy, anger and the need to be worshipped and acknowledged. The God that I believe in has no such traits, as he knows who he is and does not need any of these things. That though is my own belief, and others will doubtless feel different.

It also brought to mind the idea that in our own way we too are Gods, since many ancient belief systems teach that when God created the universe, he split off various parts of himself that were placed inside the other beings that populate this universe - plants, animals and humans. Each of us contains a fragment of that God energy that is known as the Christ spark, that helps us to stay anchored and connected, and when we leave our bodies, find our way home. I see the lamp in this symbol as representative of the human heart, where the light is said to be anchored. The heart in some cultures such as ancient Egyptian (it was the only organ to be left intact and not removed during the mummification process) was also seen as the seat of the soul.

Sagittarius is one of four fire signs. It is seen as the force of spirit, filled with raw creative energy and desire for life. Sagittarians are full of colour, drama and intensity and do not do things by halves. They are on a constant quest for aspiration, filled with energy, enthusiasm and a great zest for life. They are the spiritual warriors of the zodiac. Planets within fire signs tend to be expressed with great colour, drama and intensity.

At this time of year, as the nights draw in and winter approaches, there is an increase in darkness, as we withdraw into ourselves, reflecting the changes in nature. It is at this time that the imagination comes to life, as we reflect on the year that is about to end and look forward to the New Year which is fast approaching. This is the time when we begin to think about our goals and aspirations, about what we would like to change. It is also the time to think about how we can achieve those goals, and if they are realistic.

The symbol of Sagittarius is the Centaur - half man, half beast. This combines the raw energy and power of the horse with the aspiring vision of man. The arrow that the Centaur fires is set on a distant goal - the quest for understanding of the universe and how it all works.

Sagittarius is the eternal traveller - restless and always looking for the next big thing. The journey is infinitely more important than the destination, as this is how we learn. Once that goal is reached, we strive for the next big thing, achieving greater and greater visions of ourselves.

Sagittarians hate confinement of any kind - they have to be free to pursue their goals and be themselves. This sign is about bringing life to the inner world of dreams and aspirations, so that when spring returns, we are ready to let go and let our arrows fly.

During the meditation with the sign of Sagittarius I received the following message:

"We create our own reality, and that can be whatever we want it to be. We are in a continual state of creation - every thought, word and deed counts, and we need to learn to harness that power and use it constructively rather than destructively, as many are presently choosing to do. The choice is mine whether to look for another job, but if I am honest, despite the challenges, I find this one quite stimulating, as it is those very challenges that help me to learn and grow. When I think about the learning and growing I have done since starting this job, just over a year ago, it has presented me with unrivalled opportunities that I have not had anywhere else. It is also about proving to myself how strong and resilient I can be, as if I can sell these products during times of recession, I can sell pretty much anything else - including myself."

That is the gist of what I received, and I have to say that to me, it makes perfect sense.

The only Planet that I have in the sign of Sagittarius is my Dragon's Tail, which represents my past lives and how those lives affect the present. I felt the Tail to be very heavy - it was attached to me at the base of the spine via a long metal chain which seemed to weigh me down. I saw this too as a symbol of being chained to my past.

This was particularly pertinent to me, since earlier today, I received an email from the past - from a girl that I went to school with almost 30 years ago. I had a rough time at school, as one within the first year of intake of girls at a previously all boys school. Because I was sensitive and clever and not good at sport, I was bullied mercilessly, and this girl was one of the worst. She was one of the popular ones - a rich kid who owned her own pony, and whose parents ran a pub. I remember her asking me why I could not be normal like the rest of the kids, and me thinking that if that was normal, I wanted no part of it.

From that point onwards I made every effort to be different, withdrawing more and more into my shell. When I stop to think back on it, those words affected me deeply and continue to affect me today. It is time though to leave the past where it is, and forget about what has been - all of this happened 30 years ago and we have both moved on. I do now know what was happening in her home life to make her say these things, and it may have been worse than I knew.

I will sleep on things tonight and then start afresh in the morning. You never know, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Change - the only constant in the universe

A few days ago we moved into the sign of Scorpio, which happens to be my rising sign - that is, the sign of the zodiac that was over the horizon at the time of my birth. This is the outer face that we present to the world. At the same time, I also received the last energy alert from Karen Bishop. Karen has been sending these alerts to those on her mailing list (which I joined about a year ago) for seven years now, and I am sure they will be missed.

Her work is though done, as we have moved into a different phase where we can support ourselves and no longer need to rely on guidance from others. A huge shift has taken place these last few months, for both myself and humanity as a whole. The archives on Karen's site will still be available, and she will continue to write and add updates to her new site, but there will be no more energy alerts, as they are no longer needed.

What she had to say in the last alert was very appropriate for Scorpio, and one paragraph in particular struck a chord with me:

"Going into the masses now, before the time is right, will result in some fairly unpleasant scenarios. Much of the time we will feel invisible, invalidated, not heard, diminished, dis-respected, and basically as if we do not even exist. Lower vibrating energies cannot “see” higher vibrating energies, similar to angels existing in the non-physical plane, and this is what will indeed occur when we attempt to jump back into old energy. It will be enough to make one want to flee and never return."

I have felt a lot like this of late, particularly at work, where a lot of the time I have felt invisible - unseen and unheard. I get the feeling that once at the new store this will change - one of two things will happen - it will either get a lot worse, or a lot better, depending on me.

During the Astrodynamics evening tonight with Sarah Jane Grace, I received the following words:

"It is not change or the threat of change that unbalances me, but the thought of staying where I am. The more willing I am to embrace that change, the greater the potential for growth".

Never a truer word spoken, or in this case, channelled.

Tonight we worked with Scorpio - a sign that I am very familiar with, my chart being top heavy with water. The Sabian symbol for the day was as follows:

"A massive rocky shore presents its unchanging face of the centuries to the furies and coaxing calms of the sea".

This brought to mind the idea that the sea shapes the landscape through the forces of erosion that constantly wear away the land. In the same way, we are also shaped by what life throws at us, yet beneath it all, the spirit remains the same. The trick is to step back from it all, and rise above so that we are not affected by these base emotions that are so familiar to Scorpio types. The rock can be seen as us, and the water the ebb and flow of life.

Scorpio is a volatile and changeable sign, just as water (the element that it falls into) is also volatile and changeable - from stormy seas to the calm of a country mill pond. Water can also be mysterious, since no one knows what lies beneath its depths. It represents the psyche, the collective unconscious that binds us together, that Scorpio's are very much in tune with (I know that I am). It also represents the emotions and hidden depths - the idea of a volcano paints a good picture of what Scorpio is like, with the power hidden deep beyond the surface, every so often bursting forth . There is a touch of the dramatic with Scorpio people, who feel very deeply and intensely, too much so, as I know to my cost.

It is the least understood of all the signs with three different levels - the scorpion, the eagle and the dove. The scorpion represents the base emotions, which are linked to our survival instinct - sex, death, birth and so on. The eagle soars above these emotions as it begins to attain spiritual (and self) awareness. When we get to the dove, we have reached the state of enlightenment or detachment, where we are no longer affected by the emotions, but can see beyond to the bigger picture of what life is all about.

Key words for Scorpio are: pride, endurance, indestructible, possessiveness, emotionally close, sensitive to others, devoted, self sacrifice, compassion, defensive, enigmatic and destructive - these are all traits that I see in myself.

Scorpio has two rulers - Mars, the god of war and champion of the underdog (again very much like me, since I declare war on anyone who does not treat me properly), and Pluto, the planet of change and transformation. It is interesting that the US elections take place, in one of the most powerful nations on Earth, at this time of year, while the Sun is in Scorpio. Whatever the outcome, it will have far reaching consequences for all, and energetically, it is no coincidence that I booked to go to Lundy at this time.

In the air tonight

Having just returned from an evening of Astrodynamics with my dear friend Sarah Jane Grace things are a little clearer and the mind a bit less cluttered. Being not just a Cancerian, and triple water sign, but also a woman, I am very much ruled by the emotions and think with the heart rather than the head. At the autumn equinox last weekend we moved into the airy sign of Libra, which is the complete opposite, and this is what we worked with tonight.

It is late and I am tired, so I won't go into too much detail. Posts like this are more for my own benefit than anyone else's, to help me remember in the cold light of day. If I do not write about it now then the moment and the clarity that comes with that moment will be lost.

Libra is one of three air signs, and the only one which is symbolised by an inanimate object (the scales) rather than a living being. This gives us a clue as to the nature of this sign, and its ability to rise above what may be seen as the animal nature - to be in the higher mind as opposed to the lower emotions and intellect.

As an element air can be both turbulent and passive. Air signs are thinkers, who have the ability to create ideas and plan, they follow the pursuit of truth, justice, harmony and order and have clearly defined ideas about right and wrong. They bring clarity and understanding to situations by viewing things from a detached perspective - what I would call the higher mind, where we let go of thoughts and attachment to thoughts, but rise above that to a higher plane, an almost visionary, detached like state.

Air signs, in particular Libra, find it very difficult to feel their emotions, being ruled very much by the head rather than the heart. They are more concerned with day to day matters than survival and our primal instincts - which water signs such as Cancer (which I am) feel very strongly. Water signs feel very deeply, almost too deeply, and are at times overwhelmed by emotions, struggling to keep them in check, and being almost afraid to let go and open the floodgates. It is a fear of loss of control, and what will happen if we really do let go, will we and others that get swept along with us, be able to cope and deal with the aftermath.

During the meditation I struggled to make contact with my own Libra. I was aware of her or maybe his (I cannot remember which gender Libra is) presence, but could not allow myself to feel. The emotions were too overwhelming and would not get out of the way, and the mind as well would not keep still. What I need to do is find a way to get past these emotions, to reach the higher mind, and see the bigger picture from that higher perspective.

Sarah suggested a one to one session with her to try and get through this block which is obviously holding me back. It seems the only way to break this pattern of problems which seems to bug almost every job that I have had. This is a pattern which I know I have to break for my own health and sanity, as well as my partner's, who has been fantastic today, holding the space, and listening without judgment.

Tomorrow I shall ring Sarah and get the ball rolling.

Positives and Negatives

Tonight, I was sitting at home enjoying EastEnders when the phone rang - it was Sarah Jane, who runs the astrology group that I have been attending for the past 18 months. I had totally forgotten that we were supposed to be meeting tonight. Luckily the group is based at her mother's house, who lives on the same park as us, less than a five minute walk away, so I very quickly got changed out of my dressing gown, filled a water bottle and got there as fast as I could.

I was glad that I did, because the meditation as always, provided much food for thought. The sun has just moved into the airy sign of Gemini - the twins, and this is highlighting for me, the duality of existence that I am living by at the moment - the need to work and earn money, against the need to, you guessed it - write. I get the feeling that things will start to ease soon, but for the moment at least this is the situation that I am living with and I have to do my best to cope with this in the only way that I know how.

I have three planets in Gemini - all of them interesting and potentially very positive - except for the fact that they are squaring four other ones - which are not so interesting or positive. A dialogue has opened up between the seven planets concerned - in Gemini, Jupiter, Vesta and the north node of the Moon - the point of destiny or dragon's head, and in Pisces - Chiron, the Moon, Saturn and Ceres - and I am a lot clearer as to what I need to do to get through the particular challenges that these bring. In a nutshell, meditate, and ask for help !

Acceptance of what is

I have just returned from a particularly interesting morning with my friend and astrologer extraordinaire, Sarah Jane Grace. Readers may recall that for some time now, I have been studying with Sarah on her course entitled Astrodynamics.

The morning began with looking at the Sabian symbol for the day - the Sabians being a star worshipping 'cult' from south-east Turkey, originating in the dim and distant past. Writer Andrew Collins mentions them in some of his books - in particular his latest, The Cygnus Mystery and also his first book, From the Ashes of Angels. The wording though for the symbol is as follows:

"A quiet, youthful young couple are walking down a busy street stopping to peer into every window with joyful glee".

It was interesting how this meant different things to different members of the group. For me it seemed to relate to materialism and how although on the surface many of these things seem to be illusory and transient, they are linked in ways that we do not know, for it is actually the sale and acquisition of these 'things' that keep the universe in motion, and the wheels ticking over, creating a ceaseless ebb and flow of monetary energy upon which we all depend.

We moved into the sign of Taurus the bull around nine or ten days ago, and since then, well, I don't need to tell you of all the dramas that have manifested in my life. The bull is one of those strange almost two faceted animals, which on the one hand looks graceful, quiet and serene grazing in the field, yet if you anger him and get on his wrong side, then boy do you know it! He is a slow and patient animal which cannot be pushed and has to be allowed to do things in his own time and at his own pace, in many ways a bit like myself.

The material world makes few allowances for this with the frenetic pace of modern life, and it seems, more and more demands being placed upon us every day. Customers have to be seen and dealt with then and there when they are in front of you, even if it is time for lunch, or you need to go to the toilet; they cannot wait and their needs have to come first, as secondary to your own. This is the nature of retail and the modern world that we live in.

There is also another side to Taurus, which resists these challenges and these pressures. Venus the ruler of Taurus, appreciates nature and sensuality, and this is bursting forth, as witnessed by the sudden blossoming this week of the cherry trees around our area. Aries, the sign that we have just left, was about that urgent creative spark, and as the energy builds towards the Summer Solstice on June 21st (my birthday as it happens) this is a perfect opportunity to put our dreams and aspirations into action, to stride out into the universe and make things happen through our intent.

Taurus is the lull in between, that creative space where you are waiting for those things to happen, and well, I have never been a particularly patient person. This has to a large extent been instilled into me by the demands of the material world, and the aforementioned career in retail that I mentioned.

It seems that the first thing that I do each morning after I have showered is switch on this damned computer. It is also the first thing I do, after removing my uniform when I get home from work. I do not allow myself to switch off and even switch between modes, but just rush from one place, to the next never allowing myself to unwind and just be. No wonder my mind is so over active then, and no wonder I cannot switch off. The time would be much better spent, I have come to the conclusion, in silent meditation, as this would set me up for the day so that I start at work refreshed and in the right frame of mind, free from distractions of not just my book, but everything else too. This then is the over riding thing that I got from today.

I cannot afford to waste time worrying about the things that I cannot control, and which are outside of myself. When you are in the midst of identification with the mind, which is a very powerful thing, it is all consuming and you cannot see the wood for the trees. You become absorbed and almost totally surrounded by what Eckhart Tolle refers to as the pain body, which is a complex interweaving of thought forms and emotions, a product of our past experiences. This is the baggage that has been imposed upon us not just by society, but also by ourselves, for we have been complicit in allowing society to 'do' these things to us, and have allowed this baggage to become 'ours'. Once we begin to see through this, as I have done today, then there comes a tremendous release of pent up emotion, and beneath that, a deep sense of peace and acceptance of what is. It is a knowing of what needs to be done and an acceptance of what is, the recognition that you no longer need to be right or to be angry with the world, for all is at peace, and is manifesting as you have chosen it to be.

New growth and new beginnings

Last January (2007) I started an astrology course with my good friend and astrologer extraordinaire Sarah Jane Grace, and a very interesting and experiential course it was too. I studied astrology for about 2 years after I first developed an interest in spirituality, starting around 1996, and so knew the basics, but Sarah's course has taken my interest to much more depth and opened up a whole new way of looking at things.

The course itself finished just before Christmas, but we met up again tonight for the first of a series of monthly meetings. It was interesting to see just how much we all have in common with regard to what we are going through, and how I am not as alone as I thought I was in feeling the way that I do about how things are manifesting. We all have different things that we are going through - but every single one of us is flagging energy wise, and has no get up and go at all.

We have just moved into the sign of Aries, following the Spring Equinox on March 21st, which is traditionally associated with new growth and life, and is supposedly the time to begin new projects and start putting plans into action and thinking about the changes that we need to make in our lives. All four of us though reported a strong sense of anger and injustice though which is preventing Aries from manifesting in the right way.

Sarah then did a short atunement on each of us to bring us more into alignment with this sign and the energies that it represents - it will be interesting to see then if I feel any differently over the next few days and whether or not the ram permeates my dreams tonight.