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Saturday, 27 December 2008

Forgiveness is a switch in the heart

My good friend, astrologer extraordinaire Sarah Jane Grace visited this morning so my partner could do some work on her website. Her horoscopes for the month of January formed part of that work, and have now been uploaded. The horoscope for my sign of Cancer makes interesting reading and is as usual, spot on. It reads as follows:

"You begin 2009 a little on edge, feeling vulnerable with your emotions exposed for all to see. This is not a familiar situation for you are usually much more cautious and guarded. However, your buttons have been pressed over recent weeks and this has pushed your emotional life into the spotlight. Your sensitivities will heighten until the Full Moon on the 11th in your sign (the Moon is very important for you as she rules Cancer); so take some time to reflect on your life between now and the 11th. Your emotional life looks set to be a rocky road throughout this period, but try to channel your energy into a positive focus.

It is time to let go of those challenging emotional undercurrents (go on, admit to yourself at least that they are there). 2009 is a year of positive and rewarding change for Cancer, so try to see recent obstacles as the Fates way of helping you to clarify exactly what is important in your life. Equally as important is you proving to yourself that you are strong, and that if you put your mind to it, you can achieve just about anything in your life. Try to keep your cool as you work through this phase - explosive confrontations could throw you off track and leave you feeling exhausted."

While Sarah was here, I sat and watched last nights EastEnders so that she and Coran had space in which to work. During the programme, one character Dot Branning, had a visit from her estranged son Nick. Nick is shady character with a less than perfect past, in whom Dot has lost all trust, for good reason. During the conversation, as Nick tried to persuade Dot that he had changed, Dot said some interesting words, which I wrote down:

"Forgiveness is just a switch in the heart. Forgetting is different. Trust is different."

This inspired me, once the programme had finished to pick up my well worn copy of A Course in Miracles. I opened it at the index and scoured the pages for words of wisdom to guide me to the most relevant section that I needed to read. My eyes alighted on a section entitled "The Acceptance of Reality", starting at page 149, and turning the pages, I began to read. Some of those words I repeat here, with my own interpretation.

"Reality cannot 'threaten' anything except illusion, since reality can only uphold truth. If you do not know what your reality is, why would be so sure that it is fearful? The only source of fear in this process is what you think you will lose".

This got me to thinking about what it is that I most fear. Having no means of support. I am not afraid of what is happening, but of what might, and am living in the future rather than the present. Why should I be afraid of something that has not yet occurred, or might not anyway, and why should I be afraid of the consequences of extracting myself from a situation that has caused such pain and distress? This is to be celebrated rather than feared. I am glad this situation has arisen, for it gives me the opportunity to not only explore these issues, but also to be heard, and hopefully, acknowledged. That is all that anyone can ask for, and no more than I deserve. It will not take away my pain, but it will go a long way towards forgiveness and will signify that my truth has been understood.

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