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Friday, 10 October 2008

A crazy week as news spreads re the store closure

It has been a strange and surreal couple of days, which are as always, difficult to describe. It is frustrating when one has neither the time or the words to adequately convey what has transpired. Words are never adequate to describe what is in ones heart, as they are merely symbols that we use to describe our thoughts and feelings, and as such can never come close to describing what we truly feel.

Suffice to say that on Tuesday afternoon I had a rather intense healing session from my friend Sarah Jane Grace, where we attempted (and succeeded) at getting to the core of my block around communicating my needs at work. It turned out to be an energetic implant that was Atlantean in origin, having been placed not just in me, but 99,999 other souls too, my partner among them. It was put there to stop us from speaking our truth. This kind of figures when I think about it, for I have always had a problem with this, not being seen and not being heard - at least not by the people that count.
After the work we did, I think I can safely say that that spell is well and truly broken, and whatever my next job turns out to be, the situation will not repeat. Thank goodness for that, as I really could not go through it all again - it is far too draining - physically, mentally and emotionally, not just for me, but also for my partner who has to pick up the pieces and support me through it each time this occurs. He is breathing a big sigh of relief as well.

One of the other patterns I have noticed, which began around the time my book Genesis of Man was first published in 2006, is that whenever I am bottling things up - words or feelings, my right eye starts to water. The right represents the masculine or active self as opposed to the feminine or passive self; the doer rather than the thinker. When I woke up this morning to find that the right eye was watering, I therefore knew that there was something I was either not saying or not looking at that needed to be said or looked at.

My partner suggested that I listen to Jelaila Starr's latest video message on You Tube, which is on the subject of discernment. What she had to say was really simple, but got me to thinking. When we are a crossroads in our life and have major decisions to make, what we need to do is ask ourselves two very simple questions - what is our need, and what will happen if those needs are met. In my case I think it is more appropriate to ask what would happen if my needs are not met - the last time this happened I was signed off work for 2 weeks with stress.

I thought about this on the way to work and came to the conclusion that what I need is good work/life balance and the ability to control my environment rather than it controlling me. With our store closing in a little under 3 weeks, decisions have to be made about which branch I am to transfer to. I discussed this with my Manager again when I got in, and he told me that my first choice of store has no vacancies, so I guess that only leaves my second choice, where I worked last Saturday.
Perhaps my eye is watering not because I am unable to decide which branch to choose, for that choice has been made for me, but because I am uncertain as to what is actually being offered - what times/days will I be expected to work, how much more will I get due to London weighting and so on. This is my task for tomorrow then when I work at this store again for the second time.

Despite the lack of closing signs, news has travelled fast around the town with everyone looking for bargains. The last two days have been frantic - yesterday we took over £6000, this was the busiest day I have seen since Christmas. Of course the customers are not content with 10 percent discount offered, but are demanding in some cases up to 50 percent - needless to say, they don't get it, and most come back when they see that they can't get bargains like that elsewhere. I am telling everyone that the nearest alternative store in case of problems is not the one I am transferring to, so I don't have to sort out the mess if and when these things go wrong, as I can't be doing with that - once our store is closed as far as I am concerned, it is closed, and I want nothing more to do with it. As far as we are all concerned, the busier we are the better, as the sooner it means that we can go and start our new jobs.

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