Total Pageviews

Thursday, 26 March 2009

Letting go of the old

The latest Wings post from Karen Bishop is impeccable in its timing as always, and seemingly spot on regarding what has been occurring in my life.

I have had the feeling of disconnect for a while, in fact when I look back it began around the middle of summer last year. I remember going to Lundy, where I holiday around two to three times a year, and wondering what in the world I was doing there, as it just did not feel right. Here I am nine months later, applying for a job on the island. In nine short months a lot can change ...

Karen says that the most important agenda for our souls right now is becoming as free and clear as possible as we prepare for residency in a very new place (she is speaking more I suspect of an energetic space than a physical one, although for some it may well mean both). We have been clearing ourselves of lower vibrating debris for a while, which was holding us back yet for many (and I definitely include myself in this) there is still a sense of not knowing where are going, or what we should do next.

Never a truer word has been spoken, as Karen goes on to say that by mid summer of 2008 we began to get signs or symptoms that we were done. This manifested as not knowing what we were now supposed to do, feeling worthless and out of place, feeling invisible and not valued or needed, and generally just lost (this was around the time that I first told the shop that I was working in was scheduled to close). By October (around the time that we were finally given our closing date), the dis-connect was very evident and complete for many, and by January of 2009 (when I left the company for good in very stressful and difficult circumstances), it was fairly clear that something very new was on the horizon for 2009.

January then was about preparing for the new, creating a new space for ourselves and creating new and much stronger foundations. For me this included reinforcing my boundaries about what I was and was not prepared to accept, and being strong enough and brave enough to let people know what these were and that they had been severely infringed - hence the need to depart from that job. Karen goes on to say that for some it was almost as if they were packing up for a special trip (Lundy perhaps - my partner and did go there at the end of January, which led to my decision to apply for that job).

I have been acutely aware for a long time now that the more time I spend in those old and stagnant energies of want rather than need, the more angry and more disconnected I become. It is no longer where I need to be, and feels acutely uncomfortable. Herein lies the problem; I am too old to want to start over yet again, yet too young to retire - I have to be out there in the world earning a living, which means going back into that same old scenario that made me ill.

Thankfully the Spring Equinox and today's New Moon have opened yet more doors - doors to infinite possibilities. Like the lyrics from the song Reflections that I posted a day or so ago, we can no longer go on pretending to be something that we are not, for as I now know from bitter experience, it drives us insane. It may seem selfish to some, but we have to start putting our own needs first, and this means not being afraid to ask for what we need.

The more that we progress with this process, the lighter we become, so when we do go back into the old we become angry and fearful (I have had a lot of both these past few weeks), and my pain body has been positively licking its lips. The more we let go and let God, the more at peace we become, until we reach our perfect centre - the eye of the storm.

Right now things are very quiet - my partner has observed that his emails and phone calls have completely dried up, and the same can be said for me. This is a temporary place of resting that we need to go through, before we are ready for the new. If we try and push ahead too much then we may end up creating things that later have to undone. It is quiet now for the simple reason that we have to wait.

This is our time to relax and let go. A time for creativity and quiet reflection about what we truly and deeply need. The more we concentrate on this, the more we are able to manifest and bring these things into our conscious awakening.

No comments:

Post a Comment